Defying gravity, and the catharsis of Paul Mescal's thighs

Or, chaos thoughts on Gladiator II, Wicked, and Creative Sparks

Like many of us, I’ve been ready for the year to end since the night of the election. That feels both very dramatic and very (US)American. This idea that I can speed up time simply because something I hated happened because the world revolves around me. But, also like many of us, I’ve had a hard time feeling creative for the last month. I want to write. The words are in my head but I can’t get them out. I’ve kept myself busy with everything I could think of: redecorating my apartment, culling books I’ll never get to, a personal project that has nothing to do with publishing, visiting friends and family, and watching movies. All of this, and I could not get my creative spark back. That is…until a couple of days ago when I did a double feature of Wicked and Gladiator II.

This is not to say it’s all 5k word days. Or that I’m back to my old self. There’s more than the election in my life. Some annoying health stuff. A project I’ve been working on for the last year. Dating misadventures. Waiting on edits for my Angel Book. These things might also have something to do with the dimming of my creative spark.

Somewhere between Gladiator II and leaving the theater at midnight after Wicked, I rushed to write. In my notebook. By hand. I think these are some of the reasons behind it:

Gladiator II was surprising. I honestly have little memory of the first movie other than handsome Russel Crowe. I was excited for Gladiator II because I love Pedro Pascal. He was wonderful. Nuanced and complicated and tragic. He was fighting for his country against tyrannical ginger twins after being tired of being an agent of death. Then there was Paul Mescal’s character. The echoes of the film are truly beautiful: Hanno sifting grain early on and then Hanno sifting sand in the arena pit. His threadbare tunic is later on replaced by his {redacted} armor. Hanno and Acacius (Pedrito) are both up against an empire but in two very different ways. Acacius is idealistic but ready for revolt. Hanno is a reluctant hero who has to put idealism into action. Yes, I am weary of women’s death’s used to further the male hero’s emotional plot, and the true villain’s meta-narrative needed more development. But, I still felt a wide range of emotions.

Paul Mescal has a very deep, quiet strength and rage that fuels him. He steals every scene with his steady stares but manages to never be surly. Angry, murderous, yes, but not surly. He’s lost everyone he loves and all he has is the memory of a country that was never truly his, but now he must fight for it. He loses everything except who he is. Also, this DP/cinematographer knew what I was there for, framing his thigh tan in ways that felt erotic. EROTIC. So, yes, freedom and heroism, but also, THIGHS and tragic brown eyes. There is zero part of me looking for historical accuracy in Roman history, but I love that everything was a feast for the senses. Blood, sweat, and tears. I left feeling a sense of catharsis as if I had been the one fighting because “What we do in life echoes in eternity.” F*ck yes!

FOUR AND A HALF CHAOS STARS. ✨✨✨✨

Now, after dinner with family and friends, we returned to the theater to watch Wicked. The first time I saw it was circa 2010. Every now and then when I get tipsy and YouTube “best broadway songs” videos (do not judge me bro) and listen to Idina Menzel absolutely destroy “Defying Gravity.” I went into Wicked knowing I love the soundtrack, have never finished the Gregory Maguire novel, and that Jon Chu does not miss. {I loved In the Heights, so haters can eat it.} I walked out of it crying, shaking, screaming, throwing up (my feelings). Just like Gladiator II, this movie is also full of rage. I felt choked up every time the notion of being “different” was mentioned. We are in a volatile time where trans & queer kids are under attack, where Texas is allowing Christian doctrine to be taught in a complete defiance of our separation of church & state, local governments are censoring books and authors and here the subplot is A PLOT TO CAGE ALL THE ANIMALS AND TAKE AWAY THEIR VOICES AND ERASE THEIR HISTORY. It might feel on the nose if this hadn’t been in the novel the movie and musical are based on. Cynthia Erivo takes the role of Elphaba to another level. She and Paul Mescal have the same thoughtful stares, like they’re watching the world wondering how they can be in it while still being incredibly apart from it. Until, they accept their parts of the story. A story, which is ultimately about the ways good and evil are portrayed. A “normal” exterior is good. A green one is evil. Meanwhile, the normie Ga-linda and her group of mean gworls are truly heinous to Elphaba. It feels surreal that we cannot escape moments like this in fiction—the moment where we know the heroine is going to get viciously, cruelly punked by hateful “friends.” I wish I could say we are socially better or have outgrown this, but it isn’t. Ariana Grande is believable and utterly charming as a privileged, perfect blonde foil. She is calculating, and virtue signals while ultimately doing everything she can to uphold her status quo, which benefits her. I loved her version of Glinda, and her comedic timing is *chef’s kiss*

Speaking of kisses. I haven’t even mentioned what a bisexual dreamboat Jonathan Bailey is as Fiyero. I’ve only seen him in Bridgerton, and it took me a season to warm up to his Anthony, just because Anthony is so cold. But by season 2, I would punch Boq the Munchkin for this man. His ‘Dancing Through Life’ was a masterpiece. I didn’t know he could dance like that. When he first started singing, I thought of James Marsden, especially in Enchanted.

This moment is going to live rent-free in my head.

The final number felt worth the TWO HOUR AND FORTY minute movie. Every second of it.

FIVE CHAOS STARS. ✨✨✨✨

Both of these movies ended with revolt and uprising and characters who become who they were meant to be. I needed to be reminded of some of that hope.

If you’ve watched them, let me know! See you next month where I’ll (hopefully) have all my favorite things of the year, plus end of the year updates. For now, I’ll go put this fresh creative spark do you, and hope you are finding your own wherever possible.